Dating Advice: Should A Indian woman Bring Up The Topic Of Marriage?
By Ronnie Ann Ryan
Bringing up the topic of marriage is one of those questions that women have
grappled with for eons. Almost every Indian woman will think about at some point in
her relationship. You might wonder, "How do I know if he is serious about me? I
really want to get married. Should I bring it up and how?"
I recently saw an article written by a male dating coach who insists that women
should never bring up the subject of marriage. He claims that men are born with
a natural aversion to commitment and if you don't want your Indian man to run, steer
clear of this topic.
Oh come on!
Let's get serious. If women didn't bring up the future, how many would ever get
married? I had to bring it up in month seven of my relationship. We didn't get
engaged until month 13, but what would have happened if I kept my desire to
myself and my mouth shut? I probably would have moved on to find someone else
and he wouldn't have known why. What's the point of that?
Now it's true that timing this topic is crucial and somewhat dependent on your
age. I met my husband at 41 when I was on a mission to find my life partner. I
figured seven months was long enough to spend without knowing where I was
going. When I brought this up, did he have an immediate answer for me? Nope. It
definitely caused a commotion. But, looking back I would do it all again
without changing a thing. That's because this discussion laid the ground work
for future, highly productive discussions.
With younger me in their 20's and 30's, they probably are somewhat less
inclined to commit. On the other hand, some men will never commit regardless of
how old they get. So why not bring it up?
For women 35+, let me encourage you to BRING IT UP! You are better served by
letting your Indian man know what you want or you could suffer the consequences of
hanging in limbo from now until who knows when.
Of course, WHEN and HOW you bring this up is another story. As to the when,
maybe not in the first six months. No one likes to feel rushed. And honestly,
you have to see if your romance has any longevity before you start thinking
about your MRS. Some authorities say you need four seasons to know if the
person is right for you.
However, I'm a firm believer in bringing this up right at the start when dating
online. This is very different than speaking to your Indian man about when the two of
you, might get hitched. State your relationship goal right in your profile.
Then there's no confusion about your dating agenda and what you are looking
for. It helps men to self-select whether or not they want to meet you. And if
the playboys choose to avoid you - be grateful!
As to the how, here's what not to do. Foot stomping, demanding or crying will
not help your cause. Find a way to ease into the conversation. This way he'll
know what's coming. What's so bad about asking, "Do you think about a future
together?" While there are some rare guys who will make a plan, buy a ring and
propose without any prompting, my bet is that at least 75% of couples (or more)
discuss marriage before the Indian man is ready and the ring is purchased.
Yes, I agree, you don't want to chase a great guy away. Unless he doesn't want
what you want and then you'd be better off knowing. That allows you to make
plans accordingly, so you can either hang in and find out when he might be
ready, or move on to find someone who IS ready. Trust me on this one, at some
point the vast majority of women bring up the question of marriage. That's how
it worked for me and plenty of my coaching clients.
If you've been in a solid relationship for more than six months and want to
know your relationship future, gently ask and see what he says. You may have to
raise the topic several times. But you will likely get him to move in that
direction, especially if he is hesitant, but loves you. He'll want to keep you
if he loves you and if he walks away, well that tells you a lot doesn't it?
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